Updated: Jul 21, 2020
Crossing the big 5-0 can be shocking. It certainly was for me! Suddenly I wasn't young anymore and it didn't matter what I said or did, I couldn’t kid myself that I was.
In my 40s, I could hang onto the idea that despite what the calendar said I was still youthful; that I was closer to 30 than 50! Part of that illusion required me to distance myself at least mentally from anyone that was 50plus. I know I'm not the only one who played this game. You can see celebrities doing it all the time. Famous people who had always been the same age as me suddenly seemed to be getting younger! They're still 48 whilst I am now 50plus.
Had I lost my Mojo?
When I crossed the big 5-0 something changed? I began to feel invisible. It didn't happen all at once, but little by little I seemed to be disappearing. Obviously not in a physical sense but in the way others reacted to me or didn't react to me!
I didn't get that hello smile anymore from the attractive woman sitting alone at the bar. In fact, I seemed to be seen more like a father or uncle figure than a potential partner. I know what you're saying, I'm 50plus what the hell do I expect? I mean I am actually old enough to be a grandfather and am in fact a grandfather, but I still feel like I have something to offer.
Even at the gym things changed. I wasn't one of the guys anymore. People started referring to me as sir. I didn't even see people who looked like me in adverts anymore. At least not adverts for things that were cool and desirable. Companies seemed to aim products at me that talked about death and retirement. I started to lose confidence. In the immortal words of Austin Power, I lost my Mojo!
In the Cambridge dictionary, Mojo is defined as:
I wanted to get my Mojo back.
I wasn't sure what to do so I took a closer look at those around me who seemed to be handling this stage of their lives far better than I was. I tried to identify character traits that they all shared. The one thing that really stood out was their openness to change. They were all constantly looking for new experiences and new adventures. I realised that it was this thirst for life that was the key to getting my mojo back. I needed to try new things, to have new adventures. So I began a journey of discovery. A journey which took me both deeper into myself and further out into the world around me. A journey which included starting new relationships, as well as remaking old ones. A journey to places I'd never been before and a return to places I'd forgotten I'd loved. I found my Mojo and so can you.
Here are 10 steps that can help you get your Mojo back:
1. Stop moaning. If there’s something in your life that you don’t like, fix it or move on. Venting occasionally is fine, but endless rehearsals of the same old negative thoughts is a sure fire way to kill your mojo.
Photo by olivia hutcherson on Unsplash
2. Do something daring. Step out of your comfort zone. Try something new. Not sure how? Check out our blog on "Getting back into sport". To see the story of someone who did just that and started Ju-Jitsu at 49!
3. Refresh your image. Looking good will help you to feel good. Get a new haircut. Revamp your wardrobe. If you're not sure how to check out our blogs:
4. Do something you enjoy. Life is not supposed to be all hard work. Have some fun. Do something you enjoy that you haven't done for a while. Those good vibes will seep into other parts of your life.
5. Do something you’re good at. Nothing builds confidence like success. So grab a few easy wins, do something you're good at. It will make you feel better about yourself.
6. Practice positive self-talk. I know this sounds crazy but I am telling you it works. Change the record playing in your head. Start saying good things about yourself everyday. Don't constantly berate yourself for what you're not. Find something that you like about you and focus on it.
7. Get back in shape. That doesn't mean turn back the clock and look like you did 30 years ago. It means get active. If you haven't done anything for a while, have a check-up first, but once you've got the all-clear get on your bike, or go to the gym, or just start going for a walk. It's about being the best we can be today not trying to be the men we were yesterday. If you're unsure how to start then check out our blogs:
8. Try and enjoy the journey and not simply your destination. Stop being obsessed about the finish, instead start to enjoy the journey. The journey is all we are guaranteed in life. If you don't enjoy that, then you are not going to enjoy the majority of your life. Yes set your goals, but focus on where you are and what your next step is going to be. Enjoy all the small wins along the way. They are the things that will give you the motivation to keep going when the going gets tough.
9. Keep your head up. Remember that failure is just one of the steps to success. If you're not open to failing then you're not going to succeed. So don't let your head drop because something has gone wrong. It's part of the process. The secret is not to give up on your goals.
10. Be true to yourself. Consider the following:
Are you doing what you really want to do, or are you trying to fulfil the expectations of others? We're 50plus. If we're not going to be true to ourselves now, when are we going to start?
Are you following conventional wisdom instead of listening to your instincts? Following the head got you here. If you don't like where you are, then isn't it time to change.
Are you letting others make decisions for you?
Trust yourself. Paying attention to your authentic needs and listening to your inner wisdom is one of the best ways to get your mojo back.
Come on. Take the plunge, try something new. Get your Mojo back. Live your best life. I dare you!