Updated: Feb 14
This article generated a lot of debate between the editors. For our Valentine's special, we've added the best comments below. Just so you know, JG and Blu were a couple for many years in the 90s. We hope you enjoy.
You’re 50plus, have not been in a relationship for some time and feel unsure about what signals a woman sends to show she is interested in you. I mean, how do you know if she likes you? How can you tell she’s really into you, how do you know it’s not your imagination?
Oh puleeze use your emotional intelligence .. you're making far too bigger thing out of this or better still use your common sense - Oh I forgot it's not that common lol.. surely men over 50 have learnt the signals by now and if they haven't would a woman over 50 want to educate him? Food for thought eh ;-)
We at 50plus4men, believe men, typically initiate the move towards women, while women usually decide to accept or reject those advances.
Very true - it's a generation thing albeit a lot of women secretly want to be bold but are concerned they will be viewed as too forward and there's that thing about men loving the chase... If a woman's too easy to get she's not worth having or marriage material ... is that still true?
I don't think that's true, a woman that comes and says "I want you" can be frightening for even the most red-blooded of men. That said at 50plus, a woman who makes it clear she's interested if it's the right woman is for me at least a real turn on.
Get it - an ego boost and we all love our egos to be stroked.
50plus men come from a time when men were expected to make the overt first move like saying “hello”, striking up a conversation, asking a woman out on a date, etc. But women in fact typically initiate this contact by subtly providing cues that such contact is welcome. In other words, women decide if and when men can initiate romantic advances.
Blu: True - the keyword is subtle CE.
JG: And that's the problem Blu, they're too bloody subtle.
Blu: Bet you wish it was as simple as man, club, knock overhead and carry woman over shoulders lol.
It’s fair to say that a woman will usually choose a few signals to send out to the guy they like, some are obvious, some are less so.
It’s not an exact science, nor is it complete or to be taken too seriously, but how many of you have heard her say “I gave you so many signals! How did you not know I liked you?!”
JG: It's normally my female friends that say didn't you see that? And I say what? and she says wants you! What? She practically put her xxx in your face.
Blu: Listen I remember you saying that to me back in the '90s... can't believe you're still spouting that ole tosh like you're so innocent!
Sometimes, someone who could have been your one and only ends up being the one who got away.
Below are some signs a woman you like, likes you back. You never know, they could be your next valentine!
1. Playing with her hair.
Actually, that is the most popular way to spot if she is into you. Women like to touch and play with their hair while flirting. Her hair is one of the most feminine parts of a woman’s body, and it frames her face. By touching it, she wants to make sure everything is in its place, that she looks good enough for the people around her – probably you!! Usually, she doesn’t even realise she doing it, but it’s one of the most common signs she’s flirting with you.
She could also not washed it in a while!!
Blu: Women wearing wigs or weaves may not play with their hair in case it shifts ... so embarrassing.
2. Eye contact.
If you like something, you will look at it, right? With women, the situation is a bit complicated.
I’ve been told that some magazines teach women to make eye contact, hold for a few seconds and smile, then take their eyes away from him, so he doesn’t think you’re staring at him. Some women may do that, but just because she looked at you and smiled, doesn’t mean you have a green light. Make sure the eye contact is really towards you, not your friend, bookshelf or some other distraction.
JG: I always used to look for a smile along with eye contact. Not a great big grin, just a twitch of the lips and sometimes a smile in the eyes is enough. No smile as my colleague says above I normally take it that she is looking at the bookshelf or some other distraction
Blu: Twitch of the lips? Seriously, sounds more like she's got a medical condition JG. A smile, that's polite friend-zoning. Just watch out to see if she's really stifling a yawn - a woman likes you she'll either laugh coquettishly or give a proper laugh at something you said that really wasn't that funny!
3. She raises her voice.
If she’s trying to catch your attention, she will speak louder than normal. It doesn’t mean she will scream or shout, but she would want to be noticed. If she gets more active and tries to get your attention when she sees you, she likes you.
JG: This one I'm not so sure about. A woman shouting at me - unless we're in a pub - that's a definite no.
Blu: Yeah re-read the article - "it doesn't mean scream or shout" do you think we're silly most men like a demure but slightly flirtatious woman ... we know you men are easily intimidated i.e. frightened off and need to be handled with care..... at least until we get to know each other better!
4. Her posture will tell you if she’s into you.
Body language is the most honest language we use. Even if we change the words we speak, our body wouldn’t lie. If a girl likes you, her body posture will show you this, even if she doesn't say it.
We tend to keep our body turned towards the person we care about the most. Her feet would be turned towards you as well even if her torso is set to the person she talks to. Something very easily noticeable in women is that when they cross their legs, they do it in the direction of the person they like the most. So check out her legs!
Blu: You missed the most obvious one CE.. she starts lightly touching your hand/ body to emphasise a point.
JG: Yep, I agree with you. A woman touching your hand etc as you're talking is definitely a positive sign.
Blu: Oh so you notice that one then... about you can't tell puleeze.
5. She’s always happy when she’s around you.
Just because she’s happy, it doesn’t mean she automatically likes you. But if she gets really excited when she’s around you, and she’s apparently happy to see you, if she’s very open and chatty towards you, she may like you.
Be sure, you’re not in her friend-zone though. “How do I know the sign?” She would be slightly more nervous around you and probably will touch her hair while talking. Now you have three signs in one, and this is a way how to know if she likes you.
Blu: Yeah be very careful about this one, guys can get hurt when they misread this signal. Emphasis on the MAY like you.....I was always happy around someone because he was optimistic and very funny .... did not desire a romantic relationship with him
6. She blushes every time she talks to you.
Not every girl blushes, so if you’re wondering how to notice if that girl likes you and almost none of the things above could apply, that is your sign. Unless she gets blushed every time she talks to anyone, of course. But if you notice her cheeks go rosy around you; she likes you. The best part of this sign, girls cannot control the blush, so it’s the truest sign she is into you or she could be holding in flatulence!!
JG: Be careful with the blush reaction. Check for other signs, because that rush of blood to the face can be a sign of anger or embarrassment, definitely not good signs. Check out the rest of the body language.
7. She mirrors your moves
We tend to copy the other person’s posture and moves when we are fully into the conversation. It happens automatically, and usually, none of the people know its happening. So, if her body position is like yours, she probably likes you. Just be sure it’s not because you have copied hers.
Blu: This is very true - it is unconscious... that said if you notice her moving further away from you and watching her watch ... she's really not that into you.
8. In the media
She tags you in her posts or sends you information, articles or posts on topics you talked about. That’s one of the latest ways for a woman to show she likes you. But a good friend could do the same so be sure you get the right message and that it comes in combination with others signs from this article.
JG: This is too modern for me. I wouldn't take that as a sign of anything.
Blu: Tag.. what's that?
9. How to know she likes you? Ask her out!
It’s not exactly a sign you could see without doing anything. However, it’s the most efficient way to know if she likes you. Be brave and ask her out. If she likes you, she will say yes. And if she doesn’t, you will stop spending hours and hours dreaming
Blu: (interesting guys dream too)
JG: (yep guys daydream too - although it might not be just about the drinks) or wondering what to do and how to do it.
Blu: THIS IS THE BEST ADVICE - JUST TAKE THE RISK AND ASK HER OUT
JG: I agree.
Blu: I'm glad to hear it
Please don’t memorise a list like this, and anytime you see a woman displaying any of these signals don’t automatically think that she’s attracted to you sexually. Indeed, studies have shown that many men have a hard time interpreting social cues, particularly sexual ones. Such cues are complex and subtle. You have to make sure you interpret them within the context of a given situation.
Blu: Very good advice.
It’s very similar to the way you achieve situational awareness in a tactical situation, which involves establishing baselines of what’s normal and then looking for anomalies. For example, if an attractive shop worker looks you in the eye and smiles at you, she’s probably doing that because she’s trying to show good customer service and not because she’s open to you hitting on her. The baseline behaviour in this situation is that all shop workers look people in the eye, smile, and make friendly chitchat. An anomaly would be if the store worker displayed lots of flirty behaviour like touching their hair or touching your wrist nonchalantly. That would indicate possible interest.
Blu: Que? Guys it's very simple really; in the main when we like a man - for most of us we'll look like we're interested in your every word (nodding our head, smiling, opening our eyes wider for emphasis for the briefest moments), we balance coyness with laughter at your jokes, we'll add just the right amount of flirting, we'll lightly touch your arm/ hand for emphasis and we'll ask you about your interests and say things like "I've always wanted to do that!" really how fascinating you must be very strong/ determined" or another very personal form of flattery.... this is us telling you ASK ME OUT! In our minds we're thinking what's his surname, I wonder if he's any good in bed ... is he the one? Perhaps that's just me!
Likewise, if a woman at work touches your arm, don’t automatically assume she wants to have your babies
Blu: surely, we're a bit too old for babies!
She could just be super friendly and touchy-feely. That’s her baseline behaviour. But let’s say a woman isn’t super friendly and touchy-feely with people, but she is with you. Well, that’s an anomaly that indicates possible attraction.
It’s still a minefield fellas (Blu: oh you jest CE).
From all of us at 50plus, good luck and happy Valentine's day!!
Authors CE, Blu and JG
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